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Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Lacy tries to be perfect... trouble ensues... raise your hand if you're surprised.... anybody?

       So things with FH and I are bad, not catastrophic, just... bad. No fun. No doubt we love each other, and we sure do want to get married still. We just aren't giving 100% right now. Which stinks. He won't accept that he has done anything wrong, and I can't stop telling him everything I think he is doing wrong.

      One example is housework. (If he reads this, I am sure he will roll his eyes right here) He does next to no housework. Usually I break down every week or so and tell him how much I need him to help me around the house. Which results in me crying, and him telling me that he doesn't think I am doing enough around the house, either. At least I do SOMETHING. And I don't walk around acting like I am entitled or something.

       I am certainly not the best housekeeper on he whole world. I don't do the dishes every day, and I don't vacuum every week. But I do regularly wipe down, and the dishes stay mostly done, and the floors DO get swept, mopped, and vacuumed. Laundry gets sorted, washed, and folded, and the bathroom gets wiped down, and dinner gets made. I know I stay home, and am expected to do the majority of the housework... but all of it? That doesn't seem fair. I read once that there what we need out of romantic relationships is able to be broken down into 5 categories. The one that really speaks to me is Acts of Service. Here is the definition of Acts of Service:
       Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

       Honestly, that's exactly how I feel. Like no matter how much I tell that it means a lot to me that he do the dishes voluntarily, or clean up the living room, or sweep and mop the kitchen and/or bathroom... he doesn't care. I mean, he has promised that he would work harder, do better next time, once he even hopped up and worked and did a great job... but it stopped as soon as he didn't think I was working hard enough. But geeeeeeeez! Working hard enough?! I may not work at 110% every single day, but I definitely put over 40 hours a week in on a regular basis. 

       When I talk to other women, they say that it's just the way it is. Why should I accept that?  That men just don't do housework. That seems wild, and primitive... My response (in my head) to him when he tells me he doesn't feel like I do enough is : "Well HELL!! I wish I was doing NOTHING all day but watching Netflix and drinking hot tea! That would be wonderful." But no, I just say ok, and I do as well as I can from then on until I feel like I'm the only one taking care of the house... approx. 1 1/2 weeks later when the whole cycle starts over.

       It is exhausting. So my new plan started last week. I noticed that while I was out one day, he put his own clothes away, right out of the laundry basket. Without me getting them out and setting them on his side of the bed. He showed real initiative. So 2 days ago I told him it was time for the ole "household talk." He immediately started to shut down. All I said was that I had noticed that he had taken it upon himself to put his laundry away, and that I really appreciated it. The next day he made breakfast (which happens often enough, not completely out of the blue) but what really blew my mind was that he washed the pan he made the eggs in!!!!!!! (he didn't wash the rest of the dishes we ate off of or with, but hey... a win is a win!)

       Fast forward to today, and we are back to not getting along. Ugh, I really thought this positive reinforcement thing would work. Gaaaaah! What do I do?? I am trying to navigate this whole thing, but it sucks. Seriously, sucks. I keep thinking, it isn't a deal breaker, but I really don't think I can live my life with him without any domestic help whatsoever. 

       So all of you marital veterans, help me out! Even if you aren't married to some wonderful person, and you have some experience with living with your significant other, or a past significant other. Please help a sista out.

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

4 things I love about napkins

Ever used an idea generator? I just did, so here is my comprehensive list of the  9  4 best thing about napkins. Ok, seriously, this could turn out to be one of the funniest or most boring posts I have ever done.

Number 1- Napkins make me feel cleaner. No, really... anytime I have dinner, I need a napkin in my lap. Anytime I don't have one, it always seems like I have yucky fingers or drop something right where my napkin WOULD have been.

Number 2- You always know whether or not you are in a fancy restaurant by whether or not they have cloth napkins, and if the napkins are folded into pretty designs... like swans... I looooove swan napkins... I also love Sheldon.

Number 3- Napkins can also be used as bibs for messy babies, and toddlers, and most teenagers, also fiances. ;-) (everyone knows a mommy would never need to use a bib)

Number 4- They are great for using as paper to jot down important things, like tic tac toe while you're waiting for your food.

Ok, I tried.... there are plenty of great things about napkins, I just don't know if I can think of 9... I really think my brain was almost going to explode. So really, I was trying to make an interesting post for you guys that was out of the ordinary and impulsive... Do you guys know anything else that can be done with a napkin, or some great reason to love them? Let me know, leave a comment below!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Is my kid going to end up in Anger Management??

       I have noticed more and more people talking about how people my generation and the one before it don't discipline our children firmly enough. Mainly, we don't spank them enough. However, I have read many articles and studies claiming that spanking our children, results in a more violent generation of adults in the future. Basically, violence begets violence.

       So what actually works? I look at it two ways. The first way is that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. My family, on my mother's side in particular, uses a lot of extremely old fashioned remedies and methods. One example is how we wean our kiddos (from a bottle, pacifier, or potty training). We use the farmer's almanac to decide the best days to start weaning. (If you're interested, here is the link: best days to potty train/wean) So from that standpoint, my parents parent's spanked them when they acted up, and my parents spanked me when I got out of line... so logically I would spank my children. I mean, I'm ok, right?


       I am definitely NOT ok. I am agressive, and have a really bad temper. It doesn't take much to get my blood boiling.Some might attribute it to my Irish heritage. (Before someone that has met me chimes in, you would say that I look nothing like someone with Irish decent, but that's because of the Native American on my mother's side. So suck it... ;)...) But I prefer to blame my parents. Not because I don't think they did everything in their power to be great parents, but because they spanked me, so now I really believe the hype that I am predisposed to hit. But I don't just want to spank my daughter to discipline, I want to hit anyone that I think needs to be reprimanded. I don't. I am capable of knowing what is socially acceptable and what isn't, I'm just saying what I want to do... I will admit, however that I have a big problem making normal connections in my brain with how to act, with regard to emotion... but I doubt that has much to do with my parents.

       Either way, I wonder if maybe I should be doing more time outs, and taking toys away, but I don't know if my kiddo will actually get it.... Let me know what you think. What is YOUR standpoint on all this? Comment below!!!

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Bad Girl... always gets what she wants

So I did it again, and I apologize. Sorry for neglecting you. I was down about not completing the challenge, and then life just hit me full force. I have a few things planned, so that should keep me pretty active on here. I guess I should start off by announcing my engagement to Awesome Guy... he asked me on April 24, and it was beautiful, low key, and perfect. Aaaaaaand here we go with the avalanche of vlogs and blog posts.... yaaaaay!!!!! And by the way, Awesome Guy will now be referred to as... Future Husband, or FH.